I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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