He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
