dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
