I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
