and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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