the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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