Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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