my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
