I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Boobs are out for the taking
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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