Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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