sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
