Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
