I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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