I'm gonna have a badass scar
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
and she was petting her beer can
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
