did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Terrible idea I love it
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
