my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
