and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
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