if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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