I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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