I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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