im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Just pee around me
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
