I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
