apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
