all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
