Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I think I sprained my soul last night
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
