some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Damn victory sex feels great
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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