i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
