my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
