Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
