Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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