you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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