soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I wish you could order shots online.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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