life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
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Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
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There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I have post one night stand depression
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