I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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