rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
