I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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