so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
