Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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