She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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