Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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