drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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