apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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