My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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