i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
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I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
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We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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