Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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