dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
