you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
