he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
