I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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