I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
