..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
