she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
