We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
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all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
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I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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