how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
we made out on top of his cat.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize