ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
