Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
