Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
