Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
