Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
