I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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