jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
