I'm so fucking centered right now
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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