I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
