maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
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