Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
