If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
