I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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