I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
